FunctionalRox

For the past two years, I’ve been navigating unexplained infertility. The full story is long and layered, but what I can say is that during this time, I experienced emotions I had never known before. I felt broken, dysfunctional, and deeply disconnected from my own body.

I carried a quiet belief that my body had somehow failed me, or worse, that I had failed it.

So I did everything I could to fix what felt wrong. I searched for answers relentlessly. Along the way, I uncovered things I never knew about my body, things I had apparently been living with my entire life.

I finally underwent excision surgery for endometriosis, which was one of the best decisions I have ever made. I had two hysteroscopies to resect a uterine septum I had just learned existed, something I had apparently had my whole life without ever being told, despite the fact that it can contribute to painful periods and early miscarriages. Painful periods I had endured for over a decade.

Then came yet another discovery. May Thurner syndrome and Nutcracker syndrome, diagnosed by a vein specialist. Two conditions I had never even heard of before. Between fertility specialists, endometriosis surgeons, hysteroscopies, and pelvic congestion evaluations, I have sat in doctors’ offices more than 25 times in the past year alone, searching for guidance and clarity.

Through it all, I carried the weight of guilt. The fear that I had somehow neglected my body. That by not knowing sooner or advocating harder, I had allowed these issues to follow me into my thirties and possibly affect my ability to conceive and carry a child safely.

It has been exhausting, physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Recently, a close friend who practices breathwork offered to guide me through a session. I had never tried breathwork before, but I have learned to stay open. It doesn’t hurt to try has become my motto.

Breathwork is a conscious breathing practice designed to calm the nervous system, release stored tension, and create a deeper connection between the mind and body. When we experience prolonged stress or medical trauma, the body can remain stuck in a constant state of fight or flight. Breathwork helps shift the body into a parasympathetic state, where healing, rest, and restoration are possible. It creates space for emotions that may have been stored in the body to surface and be processed with compassion.

What happened during that session surprised me.

For most of it, my mind was completely quiet. And then, suddenly, one thought appeared. Thank you.

As soon as I heard it, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief and peace. In that moment, I realized I had connected with my body in a way I had not in years. My body was not angry with me. It was not broken. It was thanking me for every appointment, every procedure, and every ounce of effort I had put into trying to bring it healing and peace.

That experience helped me understand something profound. Healing does not always mean fixing. Sometimes it means listening. Sometimes it means creating enough stillness for the body to feel safe again.

Even though I still struggle with infertility, my quality of life has improved immeasurably because of the work I have done this past year. That alone is something to be incredibly proud of.

That moment melted my heart.

Since then, the harsh and disconnected feelings I carried for so long have softened. I no longer see my body as something to fight against. I see it as something resilient, intelligent, and worthy of gratitude.

Infertility is still part of my story, but it is not a definitive sentence. I believe things will work out. I believe they will, even if science has to help us along the way.

If you are reading this and carrying anger, grief, or disconnection toward your own body, I hope you know you are not alone. I invite you to pause, take a breath, and consider offering yourself the same compassion you so freely give to others. Whether through breathwork, therapy, stillness, or simply listening, there is healing in reconnecting with your body. Sometimes the first step forward is not doing more, but allowing yourself to feel safe enough to listen.

Most importantly, I am thankful for my body. I am proud of it. And for the first time in a long time, I feel at peace within it.