FunctionalRox

Remember when you were a child and not much bothered you? Maybe there was that one thing that always triggered a reaction. As you got older, that small thing became more noticeable and more irritating. If you allow it to take root, it can continue to grow throughout your entire life and eventually shape who you are at your core because you allowed it to take control. Our brains are built for efficiency, and repeated emotional and behavioral patterns become automatic over time. What begins as a small reaction can quietly turn into a defining trait simply because it was reinforced and never questioned.

I often joke with my husband and friends that as we get older, as everyone gets older, we all get a little weirder. We get stuck in routines, struggle with socializing, become more reclusive, develop paranoia or OCD tendencies, and lean into unhealthy habits like drinking or smoking. Without awareness or intentional change, our worlds can slowly narrow and these habits intensify, making them feel like fixed parts of who we are. But the same process can work in our favor. If there was something positive you loved at a young age and you continued to nurture it, such as sports, crafts, socializing, or traveling, it can grow alongside you and enrich your life.

When we think about building habits, we often focus on what we eat or how active we are. But we also need to consider the habits forming at our core. These are the habits that shape our fears, our goals, our ambition, our connections, and ultimately our lives. Over time, they begin to feel less like patterns we practice and more like identity. For example, I struggle when I hear someone say “no” or “I can’t” repetitively because I know those thoughts are habitual rather than true.

Breaking a habit that feels like identity is difficult because it does not just feel like changing behavior. It feels like changing who you are. The first step is separating the habit from the self. Instead of saying “this is just who I am,” it helps to reframe it as “this is something I learned.” That shift alone creates room for change.

It also requires curiosity instead of judgment. Many of these habits once served a purpose. They may have provided comfort, control, safety, or distraction. Understanding what a habit gives you allows you to stop fighting yourself and start meeting the same need in a healthier way.

Change rarely happens all at once. Identity level habits loosen through small interruptions. Pausing before the behavior, delaying it, or changing the environment where it usually shows up teaches the nervous system that there are other options. Acting slightly out of character, even in small ways, begins to weaken the belief that the habit defines you.

It is also important to expect resistance and even grief. Letting go of something that has been part of you for decades can feel like loss. That discomfort does not mean you are failing. It means you are making space for something new.

Over time, identity changes through evidence, not force. Each small choice that contradicts the old pattern becomes proof that you are more flexible than you believed. Slowly, the habit becomes something you once did rather than something you are. And in that space, you get to decide more intentionally who you are becoming.

Take a moment to pause and look inward. Identify one habit that feels so familiar it almost feels like you. Ask yourself when it began, what it once gave you, and whether it still deserves space in your life. You do not have to change everything at once. Start with awareness. Start with curiosity. Start with one small choice that breaks the pattern. Over time, those small choices become evidence, and that evidence becomes freedom.